The importance of stories

 ""I didn't do it," I said. 'I never touched that lady. She thought it was me. You couldn't tell her that I didn't break into her room and hold her down. When she was on the stand, I couldn't even look her in the face, because in her eyes, I was a barbarian, worse than a dog. When I looked at her looking at me, I became what she thought I was."" from An American Marriage by Tayari Jones 2018.

 I just finished this novel. This was a hard but necessary read. I don't mean hard as in "dense" or boring.  It was beautiful writing and an intelligent, nuanced study. But the story was difficult to hear, because it reflects reality for many people living in my country. 

When I finished, the quote above stuck out in this story of one black man's life and the havoc created for him and his family from a false accusation and the ensuing experience in our criminal justice system.

This novel, took me from knowing in an intellectual sense that black lives matter and that our country continues to harm them daily, that this myth of the "dangerous black man" is perpetuated through our actions (conscious and unconscious) as a nation. I knew, I know, black lives matter. But after reading this story, I understand more deeply not just that black lives matter in the abstract, but that this man's life matters, as does that of his wife, friends and family. I know that his life that he worked so hard to achieve and that was snatched away abruptly, ruthlessly, matters. It was lost because of a myth so deeply engrained that for many it is called "justice" and for others it is called "reality." But really it is fear. It is fear.

This is the power of storytelling. Facts are a necessary preliminary to action, but they seldom cause a change in heart or spur a true change. Facts alone allow us to keep our distance. But stories draw us into the heart, the mind of the person. We can't run away from the mirror held up to ourselves in this story. We can't hide from the common humanity.

Life can be cruel. There are many ways that our lives can be abruptly changed...illness, injury, rejection, heartbreak, death. We have the power to remove only a few of these possible disruptors. We can remove this one, but only if we are willing to discuss it, to learn the facts, to listen to the stories and then to work for change. 

Thank you Ms Jones for sharing this powerful story. 

I recommend this book, but also any story that gives you someone else's perspective. Read. Empower yourself with knowledge, with empathy for the lives of others. 

Peace out,

Sheila

Growing Pains

 "The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side." James Baldwin (Nobody Knows My Name: More Notes of a Native Son.)

This quote struck me at a time in life...when both my husband and I alternate between joy and despair at both the daily grind and the overarching processes at work in our chosen professions which we have practiced for oh these 25+ years. We see the ugly side at work.

This author of whom I know but have not read, struck me as someone particularly entrenched in and wise to the ugliness manifest in the world.

His reality was difficult, violent and misunderstood. He lived in troubled times. And yet...from it came his voice, his life.

We look around now at the war in Ukraine and the madman leading Russia in the style of other madmen given power throughout history.

We despair of anyone taking seriously our changing climate- refusing to even see the long term economic devastation (never mind loss of life) from continued inaction when it interferes with our short term gains -the state government in Texas- that shining example of how to be cruel and vindictive to the marginalized- is now refusing to do business with companies that do NOT invest in their fossil fuel industry. Don't mess with Texas ---I will refrain from further comment.

We look at the backlash against the expression of diversity and the urge for other voices to share in our communal prosperity and to have their voices heard and respected. The white guys (and women) in power respond by banning books and targeting our children in their infantile attempts to pound their chests and declare America for the bland hypocrites...keep those donations rolling in boys...

Meanwhile infighting among the members of the progressive party reveal a weakness of their own- it's easy to rally everyone around a cause when a criteria for membership in your clan is conformity of thought but to  truly embrace diversity requires not only vilifying everyone that strays from the accepted standard of the moment (Beware the influencers), not even just listening and embracing others ideas unquestionably, but actually being willing to think for yourself about whether a party line makes sense to you and if not why not. Question, learn, speak your mind,  don't just agree and don't just dismiss, this is how you can progress towards a more just world. BUT it also makes unifying your political party and making concrete laws difficult.  Slow progress is at least progress though.

 I just read an interesting post from a Pediatrician in Florida who is gay who delved into the new law about not discussing gender/sexual orientation in school and his take on it is that it is more of a thoughtful law about the rights of parents to take the lead over their elementary school child's education than it is an inflammatory anti lgbtq+ law. The actual name of the law is "Parental rights in education."It did make me think. 

But it is interesting that in Florida parents are supposed to be the ultimate arbiter for their child's exposure to gender, while in Texas parents who make a choice to help their children obtain gender affirming care are being investigated for child abuse (meanwhile in Pennsylvania parents can starve and beat their children and withhold standard medical care for their children all in the name of their "religion" and that's okay). It does seem very inconsistent, ugly and with the best interests of anyone but the actual children  in mind.

It also brings to mind the parents screaming at school board meetings, threatening school board members and politicians taking advantage of this outrage against the "tyranny of masks in school" by claiming they value parents opinions over science( those who "use" science to take away their freedoms...)Really?  How do we give parents the final say over their children when parents are acting like children?  How do we respond when parents think they own their children and that their own rigid views must be handed down the generations even if it leads to self hatred and fear. 

James Hamblin has an excellent opinion piece in the NY Times (3/12/22) "Can Public Health Be Saved?" in which he makes a  statement that should be obvious in a democracy but which has been lost. - "In any crisis, serious disagreements over values and priorities is inevitable. How many lives saved should justify, say, closing schools? Is preventable illness acceptable as long as our hospitals are not overcrowded? There is no single correct answer when choosing between losses that people value differently. Trust in a system, does not mean always agreeing that the correct decision has been made but that decisions were made in good faith, transparently, taking all perspectives into account... This process cannot happen without a baseline of evidence and facts, from which people can agree or disagree about policy."

"A healthy distance between the CDC and other political leaders would allow the agency to communicate information to the public even when it is politically inconvenient." When health agencies, scientists and politicians appear to be working as one, especially in a highly polarized political climate, people can dismiss the messages altogether. "

"The overall effect can erode a common factual basis for reality, leaving many people believing that everything is simply a matter of opinion."

The ugly side...Troubled times. I want to stick my head in the sand. I want to run away. I want to stop.

But while the ugly side has always been there and people screaming get more attention, more "likes", the beautiful side has always been there too. It feels harder to find, and if I'm honest, I am not sure that I ever find it in humanity (well, not in anyone over the age of  5 or so...) but the world, the universe...there is beauty there. And some of us humans can see it, some of us lucky ones who aren't living with bombs dropped on us, or in poverty or without access to clean water.. or to vaccines. The privileged- maybe we have an obligation to shine a light on the beauty when we see it.

I don't really know. I have no answers.

Is being kind enough? I have some money in the bank... should I give it all up? Will that help? 

Barry Lopez says these horrible things that happen- war, destruction, murder- and we decry them as "inhuman acts" but they are all to human. They are what we humans do. They are part of all of us, of each of us. How do we reckon with that fact? He suggests that accepting the paradox of life is difficult. He proposes that our goal be to "Lean towards the light." That has become my mantra.

I end with  a book recommendation and playlist again. My new format became my old one again quickly. Thank you for listening. It is good to get my thoughts out...to explore them, examine them, learn from them, change them, grow...It can be painful but it is also a beautiful process...

Peace out.

Sheila

Books: 

1. "Adventures in Opting Out: a field guide to living an intentional life." Cait Flanders 2020 (highly recommended for people in all stages of their lives- very wise and thoughtful- made me think closely about my choices and  challenges some of the things I wish for my children as maybe just my own desires - really focuses on doing what you feel is right, allowing others to do the same and showing kindness to all.)

2. "The Witch King" H. E. Edgmon 2021 - NOT my favorite genre (romance/fantasy/YA), and not my favorite book but asked to read it for a book club and it does have some good insights for those of you who do enjoy those genres...

Playlist" "Tangled" 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0k7ISESlCJJwfHh3EfhJNo?si=3bbb0fb85a0e44df