So every day
So every day
I was surrounded by the beautiful crying forth
of the ideas of God,
one of which was you.
by Mary Oliver
I Ask Percy How I Should Live my Life (Ten)
Love, love, love, says Percy.
And run as fast as you can
along the shining beach, or the rubble, or the dust.
Then, go to sleep.
Give up your body heat, your beating heart.
Then, trust.
by Mary Oliver
"And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make." Paul McCartney
My mother in law (Linda aka Grandma) passed away this past week. She was in a lot of pain and we grieved for her as we watched her decline in the last months of her life. She died peacefully at home with my father in law there with her. She was 85.
She was a wonderful person who was a part of my life for over 36 years. She had a lot of life before that, some of which she shared with us, some of which many others have memories of sharing with her. I only knew her at a few stages of her life, however she taught me a great deal in that time.
She taught me to worry less about myself and what I "deserve" and more about what I can do to help others. She taught me to listen more, and talk less. She did this always by example. She tolerated my (early?) selfishness without a word. She listened to me, and supported me, but never "gave advice." She never presumed to know more, (but she often did). She and Grandpa also show(ed) us daily how love for another is lived out through kindness and patience and laughter and tears. (And also through occasional frustration as well as forgiveness.) She lived her love and I always felt lucky to know her.
She was generous with my husband and I, with my children, with my nieces and nephews.
The flowers she and Grandpa grew in their garden (mainly roses but also others) and her flower arrangements were just beautiful. I mean really exquisite. They have many silver plates and other prizes from the rose shows they competed in (and judged) for years. She also won prizes for flower arrangements. They even have a rose variety named after them. But it seemed like she loved working in the garden and arranging the flowers for friends and family or for shows, much more than receiving prizes.
One of my regrets is that I did not realize her amazing talent for floral arranging until after my wedding. She provided flowers (roses the Knerr specialty) for my rehearsal dinner but not the wedding. What an error. Her flowers were head and shoulders above those provided by the local florist.
I was spoiled with roses from their garden as gifts while Jeff was "wooing me." And later we always got to take a bunch home after a visit. Store bought roses pale in comparison.
There were also fresh vegetables (and once wine from grapes they grew) in the summer. We remember with a laugh when she wondered if I had ever had fresh corn before (I grew up in New York, which in her mind then was just the city- really I grew up in the suburbs and close to many farms with lots of fresh corn and tomatoes:)). That being said, the corn fresh by hours instead of days that we had at her house was pretty amazing.
She loved dogs, lots of dogs. (and cats). We were fortunate to get our first dog (Rosy -originally Sapphire from one of Jenny's litters) as a puppy from them. During the time I knew her she mostly had springer spaniels (Luke and Lucy, then Sam, Jenny (who they bred twice) and then Jade and Ruby (two of Jenny's puppies), and then Dolly their yellow lab). They had other dogs and assorted cats before that as well.
She had no pretensions. Sometimes she seemed to lack confidence in herself but she was strong and smart and focused on the important things in life. Although she did seem to worry alot.
She liked polkas.
I remember the North Carolina beach- Emerald Isle. They rented a house every year for many years before they moved to Leland, NC- and even a few times after. They spent a week with all the kids and grandkids who could make it. She loved being in the ocean. She loved collecting shells and walking on the beach with her children and grandchildren. She especially liked the scallop shells but loved all of the treasures she and her kids and grandkids found for her.
We tie dyed shirts (and other items - sheets, socks, pillowcases) every year at the beach. We also had matching flag shirts some years and even shirts of various colors based on our generation. We celebrated summer birthdays when we were there.
We were always welcome at her house, dogs included. I remember going to their place in Virginia for holidays during my medical training and being pampered. And then going with our kids and our dogs and always feeling welcome, feeling loved.
I remember New Year's Eve celebrations with Chinese food for dinner and then games, and silly string at midnight.
I remember swimming in their pool with the kiddie pool on the side for the "babies" and the dogs running and jumping in the pool, or floating on the raft, or Jenny lying on the steps. (or was that Ruby?).
I remember skiing with her, and laughing with her...I was so lucky to be invited on ski trips to Vermont, Colorado and even Canada.
I remember playing cards and other games. (like dummy rummy;)).
I remember learning about crafts and watching her make some wonderful things. She (and Laura) loved to make her own cards and decorations and wasn't afraid to play around with things like painting.
I remember the family reunion she hosted for her own mother's 90th birthday.
I remember often seeing hummingbirds in her yard in North Carolina.
I remember her and Grandpa going to Hannah's middle school award ceremony to "fill in" for us when we were away, one of the many times they helped us out with our kids.
I don't really know what else to say... I will miss her. She will be missed by many. But the love she shared will live on in her children, her grandchildren, her great grandchildren and countless others she touched during her life.
Thank you Grandma! We love you.
Peace out.
Sheila
Playlist: "For Grandma"- on spotify. Search smknerr - this is a collaborative playlist so you can add songs you like. You can also add photos to the comment section if you would like-the selection here is very limited.
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